i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
