pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
