so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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