i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
