Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
