i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
