note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
