For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
no, he came in my armpit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
