in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
