Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
