I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
