OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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