my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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