i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
