i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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