Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
