You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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