why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
