My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
