Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
