I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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