Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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