what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
