four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
