I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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