Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
