and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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