would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
