R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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