her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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