it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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