$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
