OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
