mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
