New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
