dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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