Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
