Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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