New invention idea: vibrating tampons
someone owes me an orgasm
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
