Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
