I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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