Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
