There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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