I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
