my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
