Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
