My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
