Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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