I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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