i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
