have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
